Toilet Paper

One of my duties as a mom is to go to the supermarket. Well, I was at the market for like the zillionth time this month and I had to get toilet paper. Isn't it embarrassing when you're buying toilet paper and there are all these complete strangers standing around you? They could be lawyers, real estate agents, construction workers, all of them real serious, looking at the prices, checking the texture or whatever people think of when they're buying toilet paper. Everybody goes to the bathroom of course but it's still embarrassing. You try to act real cool as you look and decide what you're going to wipe your ass with. There was this lady who put around 50 rolls in her cart and then looked and smiled as if to say, yeah we have a big family and yes we all poop a lot. What I noticed, this time, I didn't have much on my mind, is that they're giving toilet paper flavors. That's right, flavors. Because to me a smell would be something like rose petals or musk, but they're naming them green apple or vanilla, to me these are flavors. Who thought of these names? And the colors? Purple toilet paper?! Green? That's sort of gross. What ever happened to just plain white? No need for colors. It's not a decoration piece or anything.
I guess I need a job fast. I'm having too much time to think.